Hey Kids!
Thanks for all your e-mails. It is nice to come to the cafe and find 20 new messages! I am INSPIRED! I took Amber to the train station 10 hours ago. That situation is a whole other story which I will tell in the days to come...I like to tell stories in chronological order...Also, I only have 50 minutes to write so I will have to tell of our adventures in parts..."chapters," if you will.
I managed to get out of my shift on Wednesday so I could pick Amber up from the airport. This time I splurged and coughed up the $30 bucks to take the express train ONE WAY to the station. I got there a half hour before Amber's flight landed and had to wait an additional hour and a half for her to get off the plane and come through customs and all that other crap. After a while, I began wondering if I had missed her coming through the airport and started stressing about how I was going to find her. I had visions in my head of that little Japanese boy in Chofu park screaming bloody murder, "MOOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" (remember that kid?) I figured if my sister got upset enough about not being able to find me in the airport, she would eventually morph into that screaming little boy... "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACHEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!" She WOULD do it, you know.
Anyway, two hours later, she emerged from the exit thingy and all was well. We bought our ticket for the express train back to Shinjuku and hopped the train without any problems. From Shinjuku to Chofu, Amber got to experience Smashed-Boob syndrome. That was exciting. I always enjoy when others can experience my pain. To hear stories about it is one thing, but to LIVE it is another. She knows I ain't lyin'. The one guy I was sandwiched next to had a HUGE mole that, at first glance, appeared to be a large grayish-brown marble glued to his forehead. When your eyes are inches away from a huge grayish-brown marble mole, it is difficult to avert your eyes so I closed them for most of the ride. This mole had to be hanging on by a THREAD. It was a perfect ball. You'd think his ma woulda taken him to get that thing lanced years ago. But I guess if they don't mind brown, gunky teeth, what the hell is a little gigantic marble mole gonna hurt...
So we finally made it to Tobitakyu and Amber freshened up and then wanted to get some sushi. I tried calling Paul to get him to go with us but his phone wasn't working so we caught the train to Chofu at 9:00pm when he got off work and we asked him if he wanted to go. Paul likes sushi and he knows the good places so I figured he'd be the perfect companion. Amber got to meet many of my fellow co-workers which was also nice. Charlotte was working...remember her???? I introduced Amber to everyone but her so that was nice. From there, Paul took us to a little sushi bar where the sushi rides around on a conveyor belt and you grab stuff off as it goes by you. One plate was COMPLETELY disgusting, I asked Paul what it was and he said something like, "That's the plate of nasties." And he was quite right, it was the nastiest looking plate of "food" I had ever seen. It got nastier when I pointed to the one mushroom on the plate, thinkin! g I actually recognized something. Paul said "That's not a mushroom. That's a fish eye." YUCK! I wish he never told me that because that damn plate circled around on the conveyor belt 20 times, and every time it passed us, that damn eye stared at me. It was like "The Tell Tale Heart," it was driving me insane! That was the most disgusting meal I have had since I have been here, but I think Amber enjoyed the experience so that was good.
After "dinner," I needed to get toilet paper and other bathroom supplies and Paul said that there was a place in Horinochi that was open 24 hours a day and had everything you ever needed. So we caught a train to Horinochi and Amber got to see her first severely drunken man on the platform when we were waiting to switch trains. This guy could not stand in one spot. He would lean too far forward and take two steps forward then lean too far back and have to take two steps back, then 2 steps forward and two steps back. Eventually he found a wall to lean against and that solved the problem for about 5 seconds. Then he attempted to put his cigarette out and throw it in the trash can which had many holes in it for which to dispose of your ciggy. These holes were the size of golf balls and he could not manage to get his cigarette in the golf ball-sized hole. Paul was so amused, at one point he yelled, "That's awesome!" I was so glad that all the horrors that I have written about were happening when Amber was here. It makes for a good bonding experience. And I have some validation. On a funny side note, I was telling one of my students about these drunken episodes I have witnessed and I told him about the one guy who passed out and smashed his head into the toll booth at Chofu station and my student said (with a heavy Japanese accent)..."He enjoyed gravity?" I laughed so hard I almost cried.
So that was our first evening together. The only exciting thing about our trip to the store was that I thought I bought a big thing of toilet paper but when I got home, Amber discovered that it was paper towel...the bright side is it has good absorbency.
OK, I am broke so I am going to try to stay within my one hour limit. Write soon and I will write again tomorrow...the saga continues...
Love Rachel
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Letters from Japan: 10/15/02 "Blah"
Yes, I am still alive. I have been living like a pauper though, which meant skipping the nightly internet cafe writing gig until payday (today). And I will probably be out of commission for a few more days because I will be picking Amber up from the airport tomorrow evening, and I will be entertaining her for the next 5 days. If I am feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow morning, I might drag my butt to Virgin Records before I head off to get Amber. I don't have too many inspiring stories to share but there is always SOMETHING to talk about. The latest news in Japan is the return of the Japanese hostages that disappeared over 25 years ago. Has that been in the news in the U.S.??? 30-some people disappeared over the course of a few years in the 1970`s and as it turned out, North Koreans kidnapped them and forced them to teach Koreans Japanese. There are only 5 survivors so the big question is how did the other 25 people die. I am in a sour mood right now...between the bombing in Bali, the sniper in the U.S., and Japanese hostages, I am losing faith in humanity. It's all bringing me down. So hopefully by tomorrow I will feel perky and ready to tell you the few crazy stories I have. Right now, they just don't seem relevant...
Write soon, Love me
Write soon, Love me
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Letters from Japan: 10/10/11 "The Ha-Ha Man"
I am DISAPPOINTED!!! I come all the way out to the
internet cafe to find only TWO E-MAILS!!! How can I
find inspiration to write when I have NO INCOMING
MAIL!!! And ONE of those e-mails is a PORNOGRAPHIC
PICTURE! (thanks, Josh). Oh well, I am a survivor, so
I will press on, WITH OR WITHOUT YOU!
Where do I begin? How about the train station. This
morning I am standing at the train station in Chofu
waiting to catch the express train to Shinjuku when I
hear, "HELLO!" I turn to see a sharp dressed Japanese
guy in a suit and tie. I've heard about Japanese
people being eager to talk to Americans to practice
their English, but this guy seems very confident in
approaching me (most Japanese people are very shy
around strangers, especially foreigners...also known
as 'gaijen'). I say hello slowly as the thought dawns
on me that he is another Jehovah's Witness... then,
"DO YOU REMEMBER ME?!" OK, now I know that he can't be
a JW (I put back my cockroach spray), and I know that
he can't be some dude I met in a drunken stupor at a
bar late one night because I haven't had any late,
drunken, bar nights. I tell him that I don't remember
him but he looks vaguely familiar. "YOU TAUGHT ME
ENGLISH!" THEN it all comes back to me. I have only
taught him once before, about a month ago. He is a
student at NOVA. So then I feel horrible, like
somehow I should have recognized him. I tell him that
he wasn't wearing those glasses when I taught him and
THAT is why I didn't recognize him right away. (He
doesn't know how being in another country has made me
retarded and that I have a special seat on the train
just for me, right next to the pregnant women and
decaying old men). He is on his way to an interview
and my train comes just seconds after he approaches
me, so he tells me to have a nice day and leaves. Why
do I feel bad?
OK, so I get to Shinjuku and come to the third floor
of Virgin Records. There is always competition here
to get an open computer. This place is always packed
and many times I have to wait a while before I can get
on a computer. I usually sit and drink my iced mocha
at a strategically placed table so that I can get the
eagle eye-view of as many computers as possible. The
moment I see someone stirring from their chair, I
POUNCE! Anyway, there is about a 50 yard distance
from the escalator to the computer area. As I am
walking towards the cash register (you must purchase a
sandwich or beverage in order to use the computers) I
hear quickened footsteps behind me. They are closing
in on me...no, THEY ARE PASSING ME! So I pick up my
pace, this person is NOT going to pass me! I am first
in line!!! But his stubby legs are faster than mine
and he passes me at the last second. Bastard! He
orders his drink and turns to scan the room for an
open computer. The whole time I am swearing at him in
my head. Of course there is ONE open computer and HE
GETS IT! I get my coffee and sit at a table and look
over at the little rat-bastard at MY computer...AND HE
is looking at ME with a SMUG LOOK on his ratty little
face!& I can't believe it! Not only has he cut in
front of me and stolen my computer, NOW he is looking
at me and laughing and giving me the "ha-ha" face!!!
I see a woman get up and I race over to where she is
sitting to find that there is no computer at that
spot. Now I have to walk past the ha-ha bastard and
he says something to me. I can't understand him and I
am about to give my usual Japanese phrase "Nihongo ga
wakarimasen" but then it dawns on me that this dude is
not Japanese. "What?" I ask. In a French accent he
repeats, "Where are you from?" This guy steals my
computer and now he is going to hit on me???!!!
"America."
"You have beautiful hair."
"Thanks. You are a short, hairy bastard."
And I walk away. (Ok, so I left out the short, hairy
bastard part, but I DID walk away!) Luckily, a
computer on the other side of the room opened up soon
after my encounter with the short, hairy, ha-ha
bastard so I didn't have to sit at a table and stew.
In other news, I received a notice in my mailbox at
work that I am getting a new roommate THE DAY AFTER
AMBER GETS HERE!!!! I can't believe it! I am going
to have to be creative and figure out a way to
provided bedding for everyone. I ain't sleepin' on no
tiled floor! Michael has been kind enough to offer to
send an inflatable bed but for the price of shipping,
I might as well just buy a futon here. The good news
is that my new roommate is an American so I don't have
to worry about defending the actions of my country for
the last 3 weeks of my stay.
OK, last story from me and I swear I'll be done. On
Wednesdays I work at Nova on the north side of the
train station (Chofu Kita-guchi). The other days of
the week, I work at Chofu Minami-guchi...sorry i just
got distracted. The dude sitting to my immediate
right keeps squeezing a zit on the side of his neck
and now it is bleeding profusely and and he keeps
squeezing and wiping and wiping and sqeezing...and
typing. I'll have to remember not to use that
keyboard next time. Anyway, I have a student named
Masaki whom I adore. He has benn taking English
classes FOREVER and he NEVER seems to progress (kinda
like my ma practicing the same song on the piano every
day for a year and never getting any better...love
you, Ma!). What makes him so cute is that he tries SO
HARD. He studies at home all the time and comes to
class on a regular basis and really puts forth a lot
of effort. Anyway, I really enjoy him and I had him
yesterday when I taught at Chofu Kita-guchi. At the
end of our lesson, I told him that I may not see him
again because I would not be there next week (I am
taking next Wednesday off to pick Amber up) and I
would be leaving for the U.S. soon after. I told him
that if I did not see him again, it was nice meeting
him. Masaki dug deep within himself and pulled out all
the American sayings he could think of from his
limited repertoire..."That's life!...Have a nice
life!...Good luck with new life!" I didn't stop to
explain that "Have a nice life!" is usually followed
by a slamming of the door when one angry lover leaves
the other. I knew what he meant, he was wishing me
well with all the words he knew how; I love Japanese
people. (My favorite pupil, Masaki)
internet cafe to find only TWO E-MAILS!!! How can I
find inspiration to write when I have NO INCOMING
MAIL!!! And ONE of those e-mails is a PORNOGRAPHIC
PICTURE! (thanks, Josh). Oh well, I am a survivor, so
I will press on, WITH OR WITHOUT YOU!
Where do I begin? How about the train station. This
morning I am standing at the train station in Chofu
waiting to catch the express train to Shinjuku when I
hear, "HELLO!" I turn to see a sharp dressed Japanese
guy in a suit and tie. I've heard about Japanese
people being eager to talk to Americans to practice
their English, but this guy seems very confident in
approaching me (most Japanese people are very shy
around strangers, especially foreigners...also known
as 'gaijen'). I say hello slowly as the thought dawns
on me that he is another Jehovah's Witness... then,
"DO YOU REMEMBER ME?!" OK, now I know that he can't be
a JW (I put back my cockroach spray), and I know that
he can't be some dude I met in a drunken stupor at a
bar late one night because I haven't had any late,
drunken, bar nights. I tell him that I don't remember
him but he looks vaguely familiar. "YOU TAUGHT ME
ENGLISH!" THEN it all comes back to me. I have only
taught him once before, about a month ago. He is a
student at NOVA. So then I feel horrible, like
somehow I should have recognized him. I tell him that
he wasn't wearing those glasses when I taught him and
THAT is why I didn't recognize him right away. (He
doesn't know how being in another country has made me
retarded and that I have a special seat on the train
just for me, right next to the pregnant women and
decaying old men). He is on his way to an interview
and my train comes just seconds after he approaches
me, so he tells me to have a nice day and leaves. Why
do I feel bad?
OK, so I get to Shinjuku and come to the third floor
of Virgin Records. There is always competition here
to get an open computer. This place is always packed
and many times I have to wait a while before I can get
on a computer. I usually sit and drink my iced mocha
at a strategically placed table so that I can get the
eagle eye-view of as many computers as possible. The
moment I see someone stirring from their chair, I
POUNCE! Anyway, there is about a 50 yard distance
from the escalator to the computer area. As I am
walking towards the cash register (you must purchase a
sandwich or beverage in order to use the computers) I
hear quickened footsteps behind me. They are closing
in on me...no, THEY ARE PASSING ME! So I pick up my
pace, this person is NOT going to pass me! I am first
in line!!! But his stubby legs are faster than mine
and he passes me at the last second. Bastard! He
orders his drink and turns to scan the room for an
open computer. The whole time I am swearing at him in
my head. Of course there is ONE open computer and HE
GETS IT! I get my coffee and sit at a table and look
over at the little rat-bastard at MY computer...AND HE
is looking at ME with a SMUG LOOK on his ratty little
face!& I can't believe it! Not only has he cut in
front of me and stolen my computer, NOW he is looking
at me and laughing and giving me the "ha-ha" face!!!
I see a woman get up and I race over to where she is
sitting to find that there is no computer at that
spot. Now I have to walk past the ha-ha bastard and
he says something to me. I can't understand him and I
am about to give my usual Japanese phrase "Nihongo ga
wakarimasen" but then it dawns on me that this dude is
not Japanese. "What?" I ask. In a French accent he
repeats, "Where are you from?" This guy steals my
computer and now he is going to hit on me???!!!
"America."
"You have beautiful hair."
"Thanks. You are a short, hairy bastard."
And I walk away. (Ok, so I left out the short, hairy
bastard part, but I DID walk away!) Luckily, a
computer on the other side of the room opened up soon
after my encounter with the short, hairy, ha-ha
bastard so I didn't have to sit at a table and stew.
In other news, I received a notice in my mailbox at
work that I am getting a new roommate THE DAY AFTER
AMBER GETS HERE!!!! I can't believe it! I am going
to have to be creative and figure out a way to
provided bedding for everyone. I ain't sleepin' on no
tiled floor! Michael has been kind enough to offer to
send an inflatable bed but for the price of shipping,
I might as well just buy a futon here. The good news
is that my new roommate is an American so I don't have
to worry about defending the actions of my country for
the last 3 weeks of my stay.
OK, last story from me and I swear I'll be done. On
Wednesdays I work at Nova on the north side of the
train station (Chofu Kita-guchi). The other days of
the week, I work at Chofu Minami-guchi...sorry i just
got distracted. The dude sitting to my immediate
right keeps squeezing a zit on the side of his neck
and now it is bleeding profusely and and he keeps
squeezing and wiping and wiping and sqeezing...and
typing. I'll have to remember not to use that
keyboard next time. Anyway, I have a student named
Masaki whom I adore. He has benn taking English
classes FOREVER and he NEVER seems to progress (kinda
like my ma practicing the same song on the piano every
day for a year and never getting any better...love
you, Ma!). What makes him so cute is that he tries SO
HARD. He studies at home all the time and comes to
class on a regular basis and really puts forth a lot
of effort. Anyway, I really enjoy him and I had him
yesterday when I taught at Chofu Kita-guchi. At the
end of our lesson, I told him that I may not see him
again because I would not be there next week (I am
taking next Wednesday off to pick Amber up) and I
would be leaving for the U.S. soon after. I told him
that if I did not see him again, it was nice meeting
him. Masaki dug deep within himself and pulled out all
the American sayings he could think of from his
limited repertoire..."That's life!...Have a nice
life!...Good luck with new life!" I didn't stop to
explain that "Have a nice life!" is usually followed
by a slamming of the door when one angry lover leaves
the other. I knew what he meant, he was wishing me
well with all the words he knew how; I love Japanese
people. (My favorite pupil, Masaki)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Letters from Japan: 10/9/02 "Buttery Nipples Ain't Just a Shot"
I am just going to start writing, them decide if what I have written is worth sending. Think of it as a kind of "stream-of-conscious" writing (or is it stream-of-conscience???) I have had three more Japanese twin sightings. A few days ago, I saw Marky Mark's Japanese twin, Julie from "The Love Boat"'s Japanese twin (remember Captain Stubing's daughter...how do you spell 'Stubing' anyway?), and my cousin's Japanese twin. I wonder if I will find my Japanese twin before I leave...
OK, more on stupid TV shows. About 2 weeks ago, I was flipping through the channels at night like I ALWAYS do, looking for SOMETHING to keep me company. I was channel-surfing when suddenly a hairy nipple appeared on the TV screen. Of course, I had to stop and investigate the situation. The next thing I see is a butter knife smearing peanut-butter (more commonly referred to as 'penis-butter') on this big hairy nipple. The camera pans back and I see this guy laying on his back on the sidewalk with a bunch of guys dressed as cowboys standing around him. And one guy (dressed in regular clothing) has a dog on a leash standing nearby. Once the guy finishes smearing the other guy with penis butter, the true fun begins...UNLEASH THE HOUNDS!!! The dog runs over and begins licking the peanut-butter off the guy. Meanwhile, I am watching in awe, trying to figure out what the hell I am witnessing. The guy just lays there very still while this dog goes to town, licking him like he's never been licked before (by babe OR beast). Finally, the guy flinches and a buzzer goes off. This insanity I have just witnessed is a GAME SHOW!!! (I still haven't figured out the cowboys...)
OK, That's all I got. I could tell you about the Hot-tub guys (remember the guys who run all over town in towels going from hot tub to hot tub with 3 young chicks in towels?) but it is just too dumb. I'll just tell you that that show was on AGAIN the other night and it was actually "The Best Of..." show and it showed a bunch of clips from the show's "funniest" moments. I couldn't believe a show like THAT could have a "Best Of" show. That's like having a "Best of Home Shopping Network" special. As much as I love Japanese folks, I don't think I will ever completely understand what makes them tick.
OK, I am leaving. I'll write again tomorrow from Virgin Records...maybe. Write soon, love me
OK, more on stupid TV shows. About 2 weeks ago, I was flipping through the channels at night like I ALWAYS do, looking for SOMETHING to keep me company. I was channel-surfing when suddenly a hairy nipple appeared on the TV screen. Of course, I had to stop and investigate the situation. The next thing I see is a butter knife smearing peanut-butter (more commonly referred to as 'penis-butter') on this big hairy nipple. The camera pans back and I see this guy laying on his back on the sidewalk with a bunch of guys dressed as cowboys standing around him. And one guy (dressed in regular clothing) has a dog on a leash standing nearby. Once the guy finishes smearing the other guy with penis butter, the true fun begins...UNLEASH THE HOUNDS!!! The dog runs over and begins licking the peanut-butter off the guy. Meanwhile, I am watching in awe, trying to figure out what the hell I am witnessing. The guy just lays there very still while this dog goes to town, licking him like he's never been licked before (by babe OR beast). Finally, the guy flinches and a buzzer goes off. This insanity I have just witnessed is a GAME SHOW!!! (I still haven't figured out the cowboys...)
OK, That's all I got. I could tell you about the Hot-tub guys (remember the guys who run all over town in towels going from hot tub to hot tub with 3 young chicks in towels?) but it is just too dumb. I'll just tell you that that show was on AGAIN the other night and it was actually "The Best Of..." show and it showed a bunch of clips from the show's "funniest" moments. I couldn't believe a show like THAT could have a "Best Of" show. That's like having a "Best of Home Shopping Network" special. As much as I love Japanese folks, I don't think I will ever completely understand what makes them tick.
OK, I am leaving. I'll write again tomorrow from Virgin Records...maybe. Write soon, love me
Monday, March 28, 2011
Letters from Japan: 10/6/02 "Mr. Shuffles"
Hey kids,
I was going to be cheap today and skip e-mailing but it is an addiction so here I sit with once again when I should be at the park socializing with my fellow co-workers. Anyway, I will attempt to fill you in on our second day in Hakone...
As my luck goes, the next day was a BEAUTIFUL day. The sky was clear and the sun was shining but instead of taking a second stab at seeing Mt. Fuji, Michael and I decided to shop for gifts until it was time to catch our train back to Shinjuku. One store we went into had many wooden boxes and wooden carvings with all kinds of designs on them. The boxes were neat because they were the kind that you could not open unlesss you knew the secret "code" to get in. You have to slide different parts of the box different directions to get to the secret compartment. Some boxes only required 4 "slides" to get it open, others required 8 or 12 "slides" or maneuvers. The place was not memorable because of the wooden boxes, though.. It was memorable because of the little old Japanese man that owned the shop. His shop was kind of off the beaten path so I don't think he got visitors very often. Anyway, he had about 8 hairs on his head (4 on each side) and 5 teeth in his mouth and he shuffled about the store in his slippers. He noticed our interest in the wooden boxes and quickly came over to give a demonstration. He said something to me and I said my standard, "Nihongo ga wakarimasen." (means I don't understand Japanese). I might as well have been talking to a Jehovah's Witness because he just kept on yapping in Japanese. Then he grabbed a wooden box and began his chant as he twirled the box about in his little wrinkly brown hands... "ICHI, NI, SAN, SHI!" And the box opened. He closed it again, then..."ICHI, NI, SAN, SHI!" Again, he unlocked the box with four fast finger maneuvers...."ICHI, NI, SAN, SHI!!!" Then he picked up a different box..."ICHI,NI,SAN,SHI,GO,ROKU, NANA, HACHI. The man was on a roll! He's outta control! "ICHIN,NI,SAN,SHI,GO, ROKU, NANA, HACHI! We couldn't stop him! I don't know how the madness ended but a new kind of madness was just around the corner...
Michael picked out a few different boxes, then he found a wooden geshi doll for his sister in a display cabinet next to the register and some other wooden toy that he found at the front of the store. I am giving you these "location" details for a reason. None of the gifts had prices on them. The price was written on a piece of paper that was taped on the shelf over each area. So now this little old man has to add up his customer's purchase...( 3 small wooden boxes, 4 big wooden boxes, a doll and one wooden toy). And so it began...shuffle,shuffle,shuffle over to the small wooden box counter, check the price, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back to the register. Oh, big boxes have a different price... shuffle, shuffle, shuffle over to the big wooden box counter, get the price, shuffle shuffle, shuffle back. Oh, the doll...shuffle, shuffle, shuffle over to the cabinet, check price...shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back. Then he pulls out an ABACUS to add it all up! Oh, Michael also wants the wooden toy at the front...shuffle, shuffle, shuffle to the front of the store... check the price, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back. OH! Now he has forgotten the price of the 3 small wooden boxes...Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back to the small wooden box counter and shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back to the register and slide a few things around on the abacus...what was the price on the 4 big wooden boxes? Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back to the big wooden boxes, shuffle back to the register. Start over on the abacus. Oh, how much is the wooden doll?... Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, to the cabinet, check price, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back to the register... I won't kill you anymore with this story, just know that this man LITERALLY shuffled back and forth between the toy counter, the big wooden box counter, the small wooden box counter, and the display cabinet and the register FIVE TIMES! And the only reason that number isn't MORE than FIVE is because I had to put a stop to the insanity. I finally whipped out a pen and added it all up on paper and showed it to him. Since he did not speak any English, we went back and forth talking in our own language trying to tell each other the total but as it turned out, we were saying the same thing (although he was giving us a 10 yen price break...that's like 10 cents). But the whole experience was one of those things that was so comical, you just had to love the man. So Michael took a picture of me and Mr. Shuffles afterward. This one is going in the photo album.
Once again, I have rambled on for too long about one dumb thing so I cannot finish my Hakone Day 2 story, but that just means I have material for next time! Write soon. Love me
I was going to be cheap today and skip e-mailing but it is an addiction so here I sit with once again when I should be at the park socializing with my fellow co-workers. Anyway, I will attempt to fill you in on our second day in Hakone...
As my luck goes, the next day was a BEAUTIFUL day. The sky was clear and the sun was shining but instead of taking a second stab at seeing Mt. Fuji, Michael and I decided to shop for gifts until it was time to catch our train back to Shinjuku. One store we went into had many wooden boxes and wooden carvings with all kinds of designs on them. The boxes were neat because they were the kind that you could not open unlesss you knew the secret "code" to get in. You have to slide different parts of the box different directions to get to the secret compartment. Some boxes only required 4 "slides" to get it open, others required 8 or 12 "slides" or maneuvers. The place was not memorable because of the wooden boxes, though.. It was memorable because of the little old Japanese man that owned the shop. His shop was kind of off the beaten path so I don't think he got visitors very often. Anyway, he had about 8 hairs on his head (4 on each side) and 5 teeth in his mouth and he shuffled about the store in his slippers. He noticed our interest in the wooden boxes and quickly came over to give a demonstration. He said something to me and I said my standard, "Nihongo ga wakarimasen." (means I don't understand Japanese). I might as well have been talking to a Jehovah's Witness because he just kept on yapping in Japanese. Then he grabbed a wooden box and began his chant as he twirled the box about in his little wrinkly brown hands... "ICHI, NI, SAN, SHI!" And the box opened. He closed it again, then..."ICHI, NI, SAN, SHI!" Again, he unlocked the box with four fast finger maneuvers...."ICHI, NI, SAN, SHI!!!" Then he picked up a different box..."ICHI,NI,SAN,SHI,GO,ROKU, NANA, HACHI. The man was on a roll! He's outta control! "ICHIN,NI,SAN,SHI,GO, ROKU, NANA, HACHI! We couldn't stop him! I don't know how the madness ended but a new kind of madness was just around the corner...
Michael picked out a few different boxes, then he found a wooden geshi doll for his sister in a display cabinet next to the register and some other wooden toy that he found at the front of the store. I am giving you these "location" details for a reason. None of the gifts had prices on them. The price was written on a piece of paper that was taped on the shelf over each area. So now this little old man has to add up his customer's purchase...( 3 small wooden boxes, 4 big wooden boxes, a doll and one wooden toy). And so it began...shuffle,shuffle,shuffle over to the small wooden box counter, check the price, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back to the register. Oh, big boxes have a different price... shuffle, shuffle, shuffle over to the big wooden box counter, get the price, shuffle shuffle, shuffle back. Oh, the doll...shuffle, shuffle, shuffle over to the cabinet, check price...shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back. Then he pulls out an ABACUS to add it all up! Oh, Michael also wants the wooden toy at the front...shuffle, shuffle, shuffle to the front of the store... check the price, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back. OH! Now he has forgotten the price of the 3 small wooden boxes...Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back to the small wooden box counter and shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back to the register and slide a few things around on the abacus...what was the price on the 4 big wooden boxes? Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back to the big wooden boxes, shuffle back to the register. Start over on the abacus. Oh, how much is the wooden doll?... Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, to the cabinet, check price, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle back to the register... I won't kill you anymore with this story, just know that this man LITERALLY shuffled back and forth between the toy counter, the big wooden box counter, the small wooden box counter, and the display cabinet and the register FIVE TIMES! And the only reason that number isn't MORE than FIVE is because I had to put a stop to the insanity. I finally whipped out a pen and added it all up on paper and showed it to him. Since he did not speak any English, we went back and forth talking in our own language trying to tell each other the total but as it turned out, we were saying the same thing (although he was giving us a 10 yen price break...that's like 10 cents). But the whole experience was one of those things that was so comical, you just had to love the man. So Michael took a picture of me and Mr. Shuffles afterward. This one is going in the photo album.
Once again, I have rambled on for too long about one dumb thing so I cannot finish my Hakone Day 2 story, but that just means I have material for next time! Write soon. Love me
Friday, March 25, 2011
Letters from Japan: 10/5/02 "Tempura, Teacups, and Bondage"
HELLO!
I just got back from dinner with Kazuko, and she didn't sell me into sex-slavery! After work, I went outside and waited for a man to recognize me and have me follow him into a nearby department store. See, we are not allowed to fraternize with our students so Kazuko and I have to have a clandestine meeting. Since other Nova teachers would recognize her, she had to send her husband to get me, then he took me into the department store where she was waiting. The three of us exited the back of the store and walked to the other side of Chofu station and went to the 7th floor of another department store where we had a wonderful dinner at a Japanese tempura restaurant. It was the kind of place where you take your shoes off and climb up onto a platform and sit on cushions around a low table. Our dinner lasted THREE HOURS!!! I ate more than I have in a month (accept for Hakone French dinner). It wouldn't have taken that long but Kazuko and her husband really loved to talk and they were competing with each other to talk to me. They reminded me of my aunt and uncle because they both would talk to me at the same time but eventually, one of them would back down and let the other one talk (UNlike my aunt and uncle). I think there were about 10 courses to our meal and about 10 carafes of sake. He kept filling my little glass. Later, he told me that it was Japanese custom to fill their guest's drink whenever it would get to the halfway point. The sake was actually good. It was fruity tasting (not like the sake I tried in the U.S. that tasted like warm rubbing alcohol). At the end of dinner (and dessert and coffee and tea), they handed me a present (I haven't opened it yet, but they told me it is 2 tea cups and a tea pot, a customary Japanese wedding gift). I took pictures with them so hopefully those will turn out. They were just the sweetest people. Kazuko is almost blind and she was so cute. She kept wanting to hold onto my arm instead of her husband's. She reminded me of my grandma. Her husband used to be the president of a company which had a "daughter company" in Knoxville, Tennessee so he used to travel to Knoxville once a month for a year or two (he is retired now). I told them that I want them to meet my sister so maybe we will have dinner together again when Amber comes.
In other news, I got my haircut yesterday and Miho did a really good job. It was cute because one of the other hairstylists came over to Miho while she was blow-drying my hair and said something to her. They talked back and forth for a minute, then Miho said, "She wants to blow-dry your hair, is that ok?" I said "sure," so she took a stab at it and ended up sucking my hair up into the vent of the blow-dryer within the first 30 seconds of taking over. I didn't mind because I could tell she felt horrible, she was so excited to brush a foreigner's hair. It's those "simple" pleasures in life, ya know? Kinda like my tee-shirt with Kanji writing...or my Japanese astronaut student.
A quick story before I leave (I'll have to save the rest of my Hakone stories for another day...) When I told Paul about Miho, he said that he used to date a girl named Miho but he hated introducing her to people. I was thinking, "Why, was she ugly? Did she have gunky brown teeth? Was she knock-kneed?" No. He was embarrassed because the way you pronounce Miho is "me-ho" and if you put the accent on the wrong syllable, it sounds like you are calling her your whore..." Hi, this is me ho." I found that to be very funny. Japan is FILLED with comedy. It ain't hard to find a laugh around here. Maybe that is why I don't mind the staggering drunks and the crowded trains and the cockroaches. There is a natural kind of comedy about this place. I'll miss it.
OK, just wanted you all to know that I am not dead or being sexed to death. Write soon. Love me
(Me, Miho, and the girl who sucked my hair into the blow dryer...not in that order)
(Me, Kazuko, and her hubby)
I just got back from dinner with Kazuko, and she didn't sell me into sex-slavery! After work, I went outside and waited for a man to recognize me and have me follow him into a nearby department store. See, we are not allowed to fraternize with our students so Kazuko and I have to have a clandestine meeting. Since other Nova teachers would recognize her, she had to send her husband to get me, then he took me into the department store where she was waiting. The three of us exited the back of the store and walked to the other side of Chofu station and went to the 7th floor of another department store where we had a wonderful dinner at a Japanese tempura restaurant. It was the kind of place where you take your shoes off and climb up onto a platform and sit on cushions around a low table. Our dinner lasted THREE HOURS!!! I ate more than I have in a month (accept for Hakone French dinner). It wouldn't have taken that long but Kazuko and her husband really loved to talk and they were competing with each other to talk to me. They reminded me of my aunt and uncle because they both would talk to me at the same time but eventually, one of them would back down and let the other one talk (UNlike my aunt and uncle). I think there were about 10 courses to our meal and about 10 carafes of sake. He kept filling my little glass. Later, he told me that it was Japanese custom to fill their guest's drink whenever it would get to the halfway point. The sake was actually good. It was fruity tasting (not like the sake I tried in the U.S. that tasted like warm rubbing alcohol). At the end of dinner (and dessert and coffee and tea), they handed me a present (I haven't opened it yet, but they told me it is 2 tea cups and a tea pot, a customary Japanese wedding gift). I took pictures with them so hopefully those will turn out. They were just the sweetest people. Kazuko is almost blind and she was so cute. She kept wanting to hold onto my arm instead of her husband's. She reminded me of my grandma. Her husband used to be the president of a company which had a "daughter company" in Knoxville, Tennessee so he used to travel to Knoxville once a month for a year or two (he is retired now). I told them that I want them to meet my sister so maybe we will have dinner together again when Amber comes.
In other news, I got my haircut yesterday and Miho did a really good job. It was cute because one of the other hairstylists came over to Miho while she was blow-drying my hair and said something to her. They talked back and forth for a minute, then Miho said, "She wants to blow-dry your hair, is that ok?" I said "sure," so she took a stab at it and ended up sucking my hair up into the vent of the blow-dryer within the first 30 seconds of taking over. I didn't mind because I could tell she felt horrible, she was so excited to brush a foreigner's hair. It's those "simple" pleasures in life, ya know? Kinda like my tee-shirt with Kanji writing...or my Japanese astronaut student.
A quick story before I leave (I'll have to save the rest of my Hakone stories for another day...) When I told Paul about Miho, he said that he used to date a girl named Miho but he hated introducing her to people. I was thinking, "Why, was she ugly? Did she have gunky brown teeth? Was she knock-kneed?" No. He was embarrassed because the way you pronounce Miho is "me-ho" and if you put the accent on the wrong syllable, it sounds like you are calling her your whore..." Hi, this is me ho." I found that to be very funny. Japan is FILLED with comedy. It ain't hard to find a laugh around here. Maybe that is why I don't mind the staggering drunks and the crowded trains and the cockroaches. There is a natural kind of comedy about this place. I'll miss it.
OK, just wanted you all to know that I am not dead or being sexed to death. Write soon. Love me
(Me, Miho, and the girl who sucked my hair into the blow dryer...not in that order)
(Me, Kazuko, and her hubby)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Letter from Japan: 10/4/02 "Hakone: The Japanese Synonym for Hell"
OK, I decided to break up the e-mails into parts because that last one was really long and I didn't want to scare you off. I'll just break it off into bite-size pieces for you. Just like how your ma used to cut your meat up for you...
OK, Day 2:
Michael and I get up at 7:30 am to catch our train to Hakone. (I am rather proud of myself for pulling that whole thing together.) We get ready and head out the
door to find that it is RAINING! Of all the freaking days to be crappy, NOW IS NOT THE DAY! But we already have our tickets and our hotel reserved so rain be damned, we are going! We get to the train station in Shinjuku and find our train to Hakone without much fuss. I have paid a little extra to ride in the "Romance Car" and what I have found is that Japanese folks have a TOTALLY DIFFERENT idea of what "Romance" means. Maybe the meaning got lost in the translation and what they THINK romance means is "Burning flames of hell." What else do you call a train car full of
loud drunken Japanese businessmen and 5 squealing kids? "Burning Flames of Passion?" More like "Burning Flames of Hemorrhoids." Fortunately, (there is a
fortunately here), the businessmen get off at the first stop. Now Michael is getting thirsty because we really didn't take time for breakfast. The server-lady keeps walking by us but she is too quick to grab and Michael is having difficulty yelling "Sumimasen!" So after about 45 minutes, I decide to go wrestle her to the ground to get a drink. I jump up and follow her to the back car where she keeps disappearing to. She seems a bit surprised but too bad, give me a Coke! I buy a can of Coke that is the size of the cardboard in a toilet paper roll for 200 yen. I return to Michael victorious with my toilet paper roll.
We get to Hakone about 1.5 hours later. Our first mission is to find our hotel so we can drop off our suitcases. We can't check in until 6:00pm but we can't ride around Hakone with all our worldly possessions so we see if they can store them for us until we can check in. We find our hotel without a problem and ask about check in and baggage storage. They have me sign a couple things and ask what we want for dinner, we have our choice of Chinese, Japanese, or French. Dinner? I told the travel again lady that I didn't want dinner included in our package because it was a million more dollars. But now they are giving it to us (maybe I paid for it after all...) so we decide on French food (since I need a break from Chinese and Japanese). We fill out all the necessary stuff and head back to the train station to begin our sight-seeing tour...in the fog and rain. We get on another train that seems to be going up the mountainside forever. Michael is so sick of planes, trains,
and automobiles by now, he is about to scream. So we get off at a place that has a Picasso Open Art Garden. That sounds cool, Art in the Park...We find the place
and I'm sure it is quite a sight...if you could see through the fog. Instead, we head into the store where they have all sorts of gifts and funky, cool stuff. We ohhh and ahhh at a bunch of stuff, but I just end up walking out with a tee-shirt that says "Japan" in Kanji (I have been craving a tee-shirt with Kanji on it ever since my disappointing tee-shirt experience with Hiroki). So we leave and decide to
attempt to take a few pictures in front of of the Open Art Garden place next to this huge funky water fountain. I think the pictures really captured the "essence" of our day...
From there, we caught the next train and from there, we caught the cable car that took us further up into the mountains. We got off at the top and hit a few
more souvenir shops. Pretty much, they all had the same crap so that was getting depressing. One of the last places we went to had a postcard machine that was pretty cool. It had pictures of scenery all over Hakone and you take a picture in the booth and it super-imposes your picture on the card so you look like you are standing next to Mt. Fuji. Since we couldn't get any REAL pictures, we decided to have a postcard made. Now this sounds like a simple tasks, but read on and you shall see how Tenacious C had to come to the rescue again. We climbed behind the
curtain and all I had was paper yen which the machine did not take. So Michael and I decided to pay for our souvenirs first so we had change to put in the machine. So we climbed back out and paid for our stuff and came back. I put my 500 yen piece in the machine (it cost 400 yen). The machine only takes 100 yen coins so I have to run back out and ask the sales clerk for change for my 500 yen piece. I run back to
the machine and put in the four 100 yen pieces. FINALLY!!! NOW, to create our postcard masterpiece!...OK, what is this? THE DIRECTIONS ARE WRITTEN IN KANJI!!! I poke my head out of the curtain to find a poor, unsuspecting Japanese person to come read to us..."Sumimasen. SUMIMASEN!" The old lady standing 10 feet away pretends like she can't hear me. I exit the machine ONCE AGAIN to go in search of help. I find a guy and say my usual, "Anatawa eigo ga warimas ka?" He looks at me and in plain English says, "Yeah, I speak English." KUSO! This guy is an American in a
Japanese man's body! I feel dumb..."Can you read Kanji?" "Not really" but he follows me back to the machine and another Japanese guy senses our confusion and joins us. Now we have 4 people piled behind this tiny blue curtain all trying to figure out this machine. The other Japanese guy knows enough English to assist us so we pick out what background we want and take the picture. The machine takes 60 seconds to develop the picture on screen and we have the option to try again if we don't like it. I look like Popeye with one squinted eye so I want to do it again. We hit "Cancel" and MORE Kanji pops up on the screen. Japanese man to the rescue again. He tells us what it says and presses the right button for us and we take another picture and AGAIN, I do the Popeye thing! What is up with that? So we need the Japanese guy to help again but this time, we don't have to ask because he has decided to stand right outside the curtain and wait for our pleas for help. The THIRD picture is taken and fortunately, this one is the best. Fortunately, I say, because then the computer boots you out, you only get 3 shots to get it right. We
wait 60 seconds and the machine spits out our postcard, happy to be rid of us.
I'll skip all the stories about out rides on the ropeways and sight-seeing ship because you basically already know how that went. It was just one ride after another through a thick white cloud (although that didn't stop Michael from taking pictures...)
So we get back to the hotel (after cutting our trip short...we skipped the "scenic walk" because it was already almost pitch black by that time). We make our way back to the hotel, excited to relax for an hour before dinner. We get to the front desk and the guy tells us that they made a mistake and that dinner was NOT included in our package but they kept our reservation if we want to pay. Michael says we will
just pay, that is fine. We don't feel like leaving the hotel in search of a decent meal. So we get our stuff and a cute little Japanese girl shows us to our
room...our room with two twin beds...
Could this trip possibly get any worse? That is the question that always tempts fate and I think we did just that. We take a nap, then head down to dinner.
I am laughing as I write this because it is so sad, you just have to laugh. We walk into the restaurant and the hostess seats us and hands us our menus. The menus are written in French and the only thing that I CAN read is the price...8,500 yen...gulp(roughly $85 bucks a plate.) But price is not the only issue here. We have bigger issues. We can't read the menu and the wait-staff can't speak English. The waitress struggles to understand my question of "What is this" as I point to different words on the menu. Meanwhile, a waiter decides he is going to help out and begins trying to "assist" Michael with his menu. So for the next ten
minutes, we go back and forth with our respective wait-staff and Michael is looking across the table at me like "Get me the hell out of here!" We finally end up ordering to the best of our collaborative ability and now we wait...
The first course comes and I wonder "Is this $85 bucks???" I have seen those fu-fu dinners before where you pay a million dollars and get two turds of meat on your plate with a splash of hollandaise sauce and a sprig of parsley. Was this it??? Now Michael is looking sicker by the minute because this golf-ball size serving of mystery meat is raw. But i dive in because I am starving. I have eaten raw salmon before and it is not bad. As it ends up, this raw piece of fish is covering a ball of crab meat and it is actually decent tasting (at least I think). Michael didn't like his mystery meat so I get two servings. The next course was some really lame soup with two or three tiny cubes of carrots and potatoes hiding at the bottom. Then came a VERY thin piece of fish that I THOUGHT was my main dish...good thing I filled up on bread! So I finish and feel sorry for Michael thinking they brought him the wrong thing (he doesn't care for fish but he won't let me tell the waitress to take it back) but as it turns out, that was just ANOTHER course to our 6 course meal. They finally bring out the main course but I am already full. FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I HAVE BEEN IN JAPAN, I AM FULL! I try to eat the whole thing, but I can't. I can't even eat dessert! The waitress seems so disturbed that I turned down my dessert that she sends out a lady with the dessert on a tray anyway, just to make
ABSOLUTE sure that I don't want it. It is only a little tart about the size of the mystery meat ball appetizer but they really wanted me to eat it. But I passed and sent the jilted waitress back to the kitchen with her tart.
OK, as much fun as I am having rehashing our weekend from hell, I have to get going. Miho is cutting my hair in an hour and I have to make sure I give myself
enough time to find this place...to be continued...maybe.
Love me
OK, Day 2:
Michael and I get up at 7:30 am to catch our train to Hakone. (I am rather proud of myself for pulling that whole thing together.) We get ready and head out the
door to find that it is RAINING! Of all the freaking days to be crappy, NOW IS NOT THE DAY! But we already have our tickets and our hotel reserved so rain be damned, we are going! We get to the train station in Shinjuku and find our train to Hakone without much fuss. I have paid a little extra to ride in the "Romance Car" and what I have found is that Japanese folks have a TOTALLY DIFFERENT idea of what "Romance" means. Maybe the meaning got lost in the translation and what they THINK romance means is "Burning flames of hell." What else do you call a train car full of
loud drunken Japanese businessmen and 5 squealing kids? "Burning Flames of Passion?" More like "Burning Flames of Hemorrhoids." Fortunately, (there is a
fortunately here), the businessmen get off at the first stop. Now Michael is getting thirsty because we really didn't take time for breakfast. The server-lady keeps walking by us but she is too quick to grab and Michael is having difficulty yelling "Sumimasen!" So after about 45 minutes, I decide to go wrestle her to the ground to get a drink. I jump up and follow her to the back car where she keeps disappearing to. She seems a bit surprised but too bad, give me a Coke! I buy a can of Coke that is the size of the cardboard in a toilet paper roll for 200 yen. I return to Michael victorious with my toilet paper roll.
We get to Hakone about 1.5 hours later. Our first mission is to find our hotel so we can drop off our suitcases. We can't check in until 6:00pm but we can't ride around Hakone with all our worldly possessions so we see if they can store them for us until we can check in. We find our hotel without a problem and ask about check in and baggage storage. They have me sign a couple things and ask what we want for dinner, we have our choice of Chinese, Japanese, or French. Dinner? I told the travel again lady that I didn't want dinner included in our package because it was a million more dollars. But now they are giving it to us (maybe I paid for it after all...) so we decide on French food (since I need a break from Chinese and Japanese). We fill out all the necessary stuff and head back to the train station to begin our sight-seeing tour...in the fog and rain. We get on another train that seems to be going up the mountainside forever. Michael is so sick of planes, trains,
and automobiles by now, he is about to scream. So we get off at a place that has a Picasso Open Art Garden. That sounds cool, Art in the Park...We find the place
and I'm sure it is quite a sight...if you could see through the fog. Instead, we head into the store where they have all sorts of gifts and funky, cool stuff. We ohhh and ahhh at a bunch of stuff, but I just end up walking out with a tee-shirt that says "Japan" in Kanji (I have been craving a tee-shirt with Kanji on it ever since my disappointing tee-shirt experience with Hiroki). So we leave and decide to
attempt to take a few pictures in front of of the Open Art Garden place next to this huge funky water fountain. I think the pictures really captured the "essence" of our day...
From there, we caught the next train and from there, we caught the cable car that took us further up into the mountains. We got off at the top and hit a few
more souvenir shops. Pretty much, they all had the same crap so that was getting depressing. One of the last places we went to had a postcard machine that was pretty cool. It had pictures of scenery all over Hakone and you take a picture in the booth and it super-imposes your picture on the card so you look like you are standing next to Mt. Fuji. Since we couldn't get any REAL pictures, we decided to have a postcard made. Now this sounds like a simple tasks, but read on and you shall see how Tenacious C had to come to the rescue again. We climbed behind the
curtain and all I had was paper yen which the machine did not take. So Michael and I decided to pay for our souvenirs first so we had change to put in the machine. So we climbed back out and paid for our stuff and came back. I put my 500 yen piece in the machine (it cost 400 yen). The machine only takes 100 yen coins so I have to run back out and ask the sales clerk for change for my 500 yen piece. I run back to
the machine and put in the four 100 yen pieces. FINALLY!!! NOW, to create our postcard masterpiece!...OK, what is this? THE DIRECTIONS ARE WRITTEN IN KANJI!!! I poke my head out of the curtain to find a poor, unsuspecting Japanese person to come read to us..."Sumimasen. SUMIMASEN!" The old lady standing 10 feet away pretends like she can't hear me. I exit the machine ONCE AGAIN to go in search of help. I find a guy and say my usual, "Anatawa eigo ga warimas ka?" He looks at me and in plain English says, "Yeah, I speak English." KUSO! This guy is an American in a
Japanese man's body! I feel dumb..."Can you read Kanji?" "Not really" but he follows me back to the machine and another Japanese guy senses our confusion and joins us. Now we have 4 people piled behind this tiny blue curtain all trying to figure out this machine. The other Japanese guy knows enough English to assist us so we pick out what background we want and take the picture. The machine takes 60 seconds to develop the picture on screen and we have the option to try again if we don't like it. I look like Popeye with one squinted eye so I want to do it again. We hit "Cancel" and MORE Kanji pops up on the screen. Japanese man to the rescue again. He tells us what it says and presses the right button for us and we take another picture and AGAIN, I do the Popeye thing! What is up with that? So we need the Japanese guy to help again but this time, we don't have to ask because he has decided to stand right outside the curtain and wait for our pleas for help. The THIRD picture is taken and fortunately, this one is the best. Fortunately, I say, because then the computer boots you out, you only get 3 shots to get it right. We
wait 60 seconds and the machine spits out our postcard, happy to be rid of us.
I'll skip all the stories about out rides on the ropeways and sight-seeing ship because you basically already know how that went. It was just one ride after another through a thick white cloud (although that didn't stop Michael from taking pictures...)
So we get back to the hotel (after cutting our trip short...we skipped the "scenic walk" because it was already almost pitch black by that time). We make our way back to the hotel, excited to relax for an hour before dinner. We get to the front desk and the guy tells us that they made a mistake and that dinner was NOT included in our package but they kept our reservation if we want to pay. Michael says we will
just pay, that is fine. We don't feel like leaving the hotel in search of a decent meal. So we get our stuff and a cute little Japanese girl shows us to our
room...our room with two twin beds...
Could this trip possibly get any worse? That is the question that always tempts fate and I think we did just that. We take a nap, then head down to dinner.
I am laughing as I write this because it is so sad, you just have to laugh. We walk into the restaurant and the hostess seats us and hands us our menus. The menus are written in French and the only thing that I CAN read is the price...8,500 yen...gulp(roughly $85 bucks a plate.) But price is not the only issue here. We have bigger issues. We can't read the menu and the wait-staff can't speak English. The waitress struggles to understand my question of "What is this" as I point to different words on the menu. Meanwhile, a waiter decides he is going to help out and begins trying to "assist" Michael with his menu. So for the next ten
minutes, we go back and forth with our respective wait-staff and Michael is looking across the table at me like "Get me the hell out of here!" We finally end up ordering to the best of our collaborative ability and now we wait...
The first course comes and I wonder "Is this $85 bucks???" I have seen those fu-fu dinners before where you pay a million dollars and get two turds of meat on your plate with a splash of hollandaise sauce and a sprig of parsley. Was this it??? Now Michael is looking sicker by the minute because this golf-ball size serving of mystery meat is raw. But i dive in because I am starving. I have eaten raw salmon before and it is not bad. As it ends up, this raw piece of fish is covering a ball of crab meat and it is actually decent tasting (at least I think). Michael didn't like his mystery meat so I get two servings. The next course was some really lame soup with two or three tiny cubes of carrots and potatoes hiding at the bottom. Then came a VERY thin piece of fish that I THOUGHT was my main dish...good thing I filled up on bread! So I finish and feel sorry for Michael thinking they brought him the wrong thing (he doesn't care for fish but he won't let me tell the waitress to take it back) but as it turns out, that was just ANOTHER course to our 6 course meal. They finally bring out the main course but I am already full. FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I HAVE BEEN IN JAPAN, I AM FULL! I try to eat the whole thing, but I can't. I can't even eat dessert! The waitress seems so disturbed that I turned down my dessert that she sends out a lady with the dessert on a tray anyway, just to make
ABSOLUTE sure that I don't want it. It is only a little tart about the size of the mystery meat ball appetizer but they really wanted me to eat it. But I passed and sent the jilted waitress back to the kitchen with her tart.
OK, as much fun as I am having rehashing our weekend from hell, I have to get going. Miho is cutting my hair in an hour and I have to make sure I give myself
enough time to find this place...to be continued...maybe.
Love me
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