Letters from Japan: Aug 20, 2002

Hey kids!

I've had a request from Corey to start writing a title for each e-mail in the "Subject" box. Knowing me, if I start doing that, i will take an hour each day just
sitting in front of the computer starring at the screen trying to think of something clever and I won't have any time left to write. So, Corey, I will try my best, but I'm not guaranteeing anything. I have one hour to write so i will try to fill you in on the latest, then I am off to Day 2 of training.

First and foremost, I have an intruder. Someone has been coming into my apartment when I am gone. i had a sneaking suspicion a few days ago when I thought a rug
was missing and the slippers by the front door were moved and the lights were messed up. Well, yesterday I get home and it is a bit stuffy in my apartment so I
go to open the window and it is already open. Now I KNOW someone has been coming in because I DISTINCTLY remember closing the window during the typhoon two days ago. So now the question becomes WHO, WHY, and WHAT THE HELL!!?? So then i start getting paranoid thinking about how whenever my air conditioning is on in my room, periodically a flash and a little flashing noise will occur. I start thinking that there are cameras in my room and they are on a timer to take pictures of me in my bedroom. Next I am going to see my naked body on billboards in Hooker Alley. I might have a pervert for a landlord and he could be coming into my apartment each day when I leave to check his cameras and do gross stuff. He probably knows when I
leave because he watches his cameras at his mission control station. Isn't there some early 1990's movie about this kind of thing? So THAT is my latest. You all can send me ideas for booby-traps.

OK, off the subject of paranoia, my first day of training was pretty fun. the time flew by, which is always a good thing. I also made a few more friends. There are only 4 people in my training class. The two guys live out by me so I have someone to ride the train halfway home with at night. In Chofu, we get off and take separate trains but I am only 2 stops away from home at that point. Chris is my partner in crime. He actually lives in Nashville, too, so that@s kinda cool. We were split into groups of 2 yesterday and he and I were partners. I was having flashbacks to Sundays in church with my mom and sister when we were kids. Amber and I would get the giggles so bad, I would have to pee my pants and Amber would get the
hiccups. Well, that's what yesterday was like. I was no longer a professional in a foreign country learning a job, I was a kid in church about to pee my pants. Chris is this tall, gangly, red head with glasses and a very dry sense of humor. He is flat, has no passion in his voice and we are supposed to be demonstrating intonation to our Japanese students so they don't talk like robots. The problem is, Chris talks like a robot...I guess the best comparison I can make is Bob
Newhart. That is how he talks. So during our exercise, the more he talked, the harder I laughed, then he would say something funny along with talking flat and I thought i would die. I told him that I was not going to be able to be his partner anymore because now he just opens his mouth and I feel myself already
starting to smirk. To add to it all, the exercises they have us doing are SO CONFUSING. Then after we practice once or twice, they send us off with another
instructor and have us teach the lesson to a real group of students. The last exercise they made us go teach was a disaster! It's too difficult to explain so
you'll just have to take my word for it. The good thing about it was that the last group I was with only consisted of 2 women and they were as cute as can be.
They laughed a lot and smiled constantly and were so excited to be learning. THOSE are the kind of people I want to teach. i just wanted to pinch their little
brown cheeks. So as bad as I was, they either didn't know or didn't care, they were just happy to be there learning.

For dinner break, we went to a little Japanese restaurant that is equivalent to a fast food place, I guess. In the window, there is a display of fake dishes like shrimp tempura, miso soup, beef terriyaki, etc. You look at the different dishes in the window display and decide which one looks good, go into the restaurant, put your money into a vending machine, hit the number of the dish (each meal has a number), a
ticket comes out of the machine, you take the ticket to the cook behind the counter, then you go sit and wait for him to call you. Your meal is ready in about
2-3 minutes. I had calamari tempura with buckwheat noodles in a brown soup. You don't get a spoon either. You drink your soup from the bowl, I felt like was being naughty. You also don't get a knife to cut your huge piece of squid, you just pick up the big blob with your chopsticks and gnaw off a piece. Good thing I had a little experience using chopsticks before I came here, otherwise I would have had to
spear my food.

My train ride here today was CRAZY! Halfway to Shinjuku, we stopped at a local station and I made myself comfortable at the end of one of the benches because lots of people got off at that station. The next thing I know, I am the ONLY ONE on the train. Then the lights on the train turn off. WHAT??? I decide to get off while the getting is good. Just as I get off the train, the doors close. I still don't know what THAT was all about. But on the other rail across the way, the "Rapid Commuter" comes along. Now, I have not been impressed with this experience in the past but now it is my only option. Now, on THIS train, LOTS of people are on it, so I have to stand and hold onto a swinging hand ring. I've done this before, no big deal. Well, 2 stops later the train is jam packed and we come to a 3rd stop. I'm thinking people will see how crammed it is and just wait for the next train...WRONG! the next think I know I am being SHOVED further into the mass. I no longer have a hand ring to hold onto and I almost get pushed down. I start yelling WOH! WOH! WOH! Yes, the crazy American is yelling on the train and NO ONE ELSE seems to mind this senseless act of violence. I almost fall on top of an old Japanese lady who has been sizing me up since I first got on the train. the expression on her face is that of a woman who has just taken a long drag from a liquid lemon. She, too, does not seem to mind that we are being violently shoved into the middle of the train. i did manage to ride the train the rest of the way without a hand ring, it was like
riding a bucking bronco with NO hands. Those cowboys ain't got NOTHIN on me! So I made it here alive and aside from my 2 new blisters that go along with my 4 old blisters, I am fine and I am off to my 2nd day of work. They asked us to be there an hour early (without pay, of course).
Thanks for all your wonderful e-mails. Love me
(My training buddies-Chris is on the right)